Will Samuel

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Mar27

#NoMoreBullies

by Will on March 27th, 2012 at 4:28 am
Posted In: Blog

Not a day goes by that we do not hear about a tragedy linked to bullying. Right now, as you read this, there is a child somewhere in Canada, if not North America, but surely the world who feels as though they have no where to turn to. No one to ask for help from. Nothing left but to end their suffering the only way they know how.

Over the course of the past two years, from Mos Publicus (my blog for when I worked with Clive Doucet during his bid for mayor) through to willsamuel.ca, I have written about my own personal plights with bullies. I have exposed my own pain on the internet and let people in to share with me my story, but then I started to think that this could go much further. That in order to do battle with and eventually end bullying that it needs to go to the kids in a bold and dramatic way. And then it started.

In order to fully understand the significance and attachment to bullying as an issue, you need to only read back on my blog. But, in considering my previous topics, I really didn’t touch on some of the more brutal examples. I talk about when I was chased around Wellington Ontario being called “faggot” or “queer” for simply being emotional. I went through what it was like to be mobbed and have my pants ripped down in front a group of boys and have my penis mocked as though it were a joke. However, I don’t talk about the adults who influenced the behaviour so deeply that I was angry for a very long time. During my time in Wellington I endured a lot of crap, but none so bad as having a teaching spike a volleyball into my head giving my a concussion. That memory has stuck with me and was part of my distrust for educators for a long time. The other part? My principal, upon my grade eight graduation, telling me that I would “amount to nothing.”

Consider both of those and the massive impact they must have had. The first one left me physically hurt, but that second one almost ruined me when it came to education. It was so bad that when I came to Ottawa, I came as a high school drop out. Now, granted, on my graduation day from Carleton University, I quietly dedicated my degree to the memory of that jerk, but I digress. The less, I suppose, is that we need to get the adults into this discussion as much as we need to have the kids there. So, let’s fast forward a bit…

I have always admired Stu Schwartz. He’s a couple of years older than I am, but I remember hearing him busting his ass to get himself on the radio back when he was doing stunts and pranks for 106.9fm The Bear. That was a long time ago. Stu now works at Majic 100 and with the Ottawa Senators—I envy both those jobs—and I am paying my dues trying to get my feet into corporate Canada. Yet, back in September Stu had just about enough of bullying and started to speak out. He did the one thing I have thought had to be done and finally took it to the schools. You see, Stu (along with his morning co-hosts Angie and Trish) started #NoMoreBullies and aimed it very decisively at social media and then took it to the classrooms and auditoriums.

For me #NoMoreBullies is my sigh of relief. At 34 years old it has given me a chance to know I am not alone. To know that what I went through all the way up into my 20s does not define me. It may have shaped some of my decisions in life, but it is by no means something to hold onto. To me, the way to end bullying starts with kids in the class rooms talking, but also to get the teachers and parents involved and aware. We send kids to school today as we always have with the understanding about hidden curriculum. That they will learn what it means to be an adult by someone who, themselves, is a mature professional. It is our hope that they never run into someone like those I ran into. But there’s a catch…. and it’s a 22; while we may have been bullied in life, we have always likely bullied someone else.

This is a cyclical thing. What goes around often comes around. Bullying has to stop with us in mind. We need to think, young and old alike, “is what I am about to say or do going to belittle or otherwise hurt someone else?” This is tough in our society. Men are measured by their ability to jibe one another. Ask Stu… While he worked with Three Men on the Radio on Team 1200 he was often pelted with jokes. I am sure he’d say (at least publicly) that 99.9% of it was in good fun, but where’s the line between kinship building and down right nasty? In this case, err on the side of caution. Women are no better. They belittle each other about image and appearance.

Anyway, this is getting too long. I could write a series of papers on this topic… In short, support #NoMoreBullies in anyway you can. Find details at http://www.nomorebullies.ca and step up.

W.

└ Tags: #NoMoreBullies, bullies, Bullying, Mos Publicus, Stuntman Stu
 Comment 
Mar15

Farewell, old friend

by Will on March 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am
Posted In: Blog

Dear Graham,

Do you remember when we met? It was at Convergys on Lancaster Road. I was that high school drop out with a massive chip on my shoulder. I hated just about everything about myself and shoved that hatred out into the world. You were cynical, but definitely knew how to enjoy life and I was quite envious, but we managed to hit it off. It was you and Corey that introduced me to XVI and to the party scene that I clung to throughout a huge chunk of my 20s. It was because of you and that scene that I finally had a chance to grow up.

Writing this blog has to be one of the most difficult things I have done in a very long time. I am filled with regret and “what ifs” that are unimaginable. I am sure you can understand why.

My favourite memories of my time so far in Ottawa somehow involve you. I’ll admit sometimes they were teetering the line of legality or sanity, but I think that’s what I loved about hanging out with you. While most of the time it was chilling out, having a couple of drinks and a few laughs, there were those few times we just let loose. Do you remember Shockwave? The power outage and how you led people on a drum circle for the sake of music and a good time… Creative, energetic and fun loving. But fiercely protective too. Same party, later that night, some tampered water bottles and I had never seen you so angry.

How about hanging out at Esso on Walkey Road with Corey, Sarah and Christof? All because you worked at the Don Reid Convergys location and your lunch always lined up when Sarah and I were home, awake and bored out of our minds but two blocks away.

Mooney’s Bay is another awesome night. We couldn’t party that night? Well, screw that! Along with the help of a ton of others (Graham J, Wes, Corey, just to name a few) and your eager self, there was indeed tunes and fun to be had. Too bad the cops didn’t agree with it. Ha!

My favourite is REM Takeover. It’s the one story I lean back on to explain how making your own fun is in your hands. How many people can say they waltzed into a radio station at the end of the night, fired up the board, and just went for it? I mean really. And the content! I don’t know which of us swore more … you or me. I also can’t believe the things we talked about or did. Sharing stories about the club down on Bank Street, near Alta Vista, that Cam ran. Like the dog story. Or the “man hammer” of doom. I doubt he reads this blog, but those who know I am talking about know what’s up. Or the boxers and panties contest with Kat.

Hell, you were there when I decided to quit smoking. You inherited my nearly full pack of cigarettes and lighter! How I came to that decision completely hammered, I’ll have no idea.

But, there are sad times too. My biggest regret in the last decade is our falling out. All because my opinions and how I never held back on telling people how I felt … at least back then. It was a shock to the system I needed though. It taught me a little humility. That I shouldn’t have been such a jerk to your girlfriend back then…. and moving forward, I tried so hard not to be when we saw each other again at Zaphod’s in late 2010.

We started talking again on Facebook and Twitter. I was so happy to see you finding success. Finding love and finding happiness. When we ran into one another that night at Zaphod’s I wanted to just keep doing that … running into one another with random drinks in hand, but I was in a bad place in my life. I was very unhappy again. Scared. And worried I would never be able to make something of myself.

And now it’s too late.

I’ll miss you Graham. For all those things we did and the things I wished we would have done. I have been numb since I heard the news late Sunday night. Tried to burry the feelings deep down… but found I couldn’t sleep well. Just beat myself up a little and read through the hundreds—if not thousands—of well wishes and posts about you. I could go on for pages about the people we knew, the parties we went to, the shenanigans we got into. (Mike’s rent in trade for endless shots and Sarah getting right sloppy drunk? Ha!) But, that would take another life time.

I hope you find happiness on the other side and a sense of peace.

W.

└ Tags: Convergys, Corey Cutting, Esso, Graham Berndt, Mooney's Bay, REM Takeover, RIP, Shockwave, Tamerax, Threatis, Xelethin
 Comment 
Mar12

Graham Berndt, RIP

by Will on March 12th, 2012 at 2:30 am
Posted In: Blog

Convergys did a lot of good for me in the few years I was there. I met my wife there. I made friends that have endured through the years. I had some good laughs. Sadly, some of those laughs have now turned to confusion and sadness.

Graham Berndt and I weren’t destined to be the best of friends, but we sure did get along. We knew how to goad one another into an argument, push each other’s buttons and just overall piss one another off. However, when push came to shove, we knew that the line was drawn between us and the world and we, with so many others, stood on the same side.

I met Graham at the Lancaster Road office. If memory serves, we were chain smoking outside and hanging out with a mutual friend. From there it was through Graham, Corey, Mark and Mike that I would be introduced into the Ottawa rave scene. Needless to say I didn’t fit in too well with that crowd, but those guys were a riot to hang around. Many nights out drinking until the wee hours of the night, or at some random party (be it in a legal venue, illegal one like our time at Mooney’s Bay or that random ass time we went to Maddy’s out in Constance Bay…) and they were always filled with fun.

Graham and I grew apart after a while. We stopped talking for the longest of time and I always wondered why and if there was something I could have done different. Then, just by chance, we started messaging one another on Twitter and Facebook. It was like old times. Online we would push and goad one another, but face-to-face it was filled with good laughs, memories brought up about the silly shit we used to do and the parties we used to go to.

This evening I found out that Graham had passed away and immediately my heart sank. I have no idea how to react. Those closest to Graham lost someone quite unique and special. Those of us starring from the outside in will always wonder “what if” for the rest of our lives. One thing will remain though … for the majority of my best and favourite stories, Graham is a participant in at least half, if not more, of them.

I’ll always regret that we lost touch. I’ll always want to reach out again.

W.

└ Tags: Graham Berndt
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